Thursday, February 24, 2011

Emptiness. Apathy. Don't know what to do with myself, so I waste my time just to fill it. Don't feel like doing much. Blessed silence is sweet relief. Alone at last, I can peruse the inner workings of my mind for thoughts to write down. Freedom. So contrary to listening, writing, working all night. Sometimes, I just feel like writing. I need to write something, about my hectic life, how busy I've been lately, either self-inflicted or added on by others, it makes no difference. It's been fun. But I think, tomorrow, I will be better rested than I've been in a long time. Things get chaotic. Always moving, like a force of nature. What does nature do when it stops? Is that where the earlier emptiness comes from? Evenings of spending time with my computer, listening to piano men playing in bars or watching doctors and roses fly through space..such evenings are rare now, and somewhat sweeter for it. I love life lately. It has been wonderful. But soon, time for sleep. Rest. Closing my eyes and feeling the gravity sink in to relax my muscles. I've been learning a lot of things not to hope for words from you when I get home at the end of the day, and that time is really moving faster, or at least it does when you are a force of chaotic nature. When I was a little girl, time was so still, and a day so a day is nothing, a week is nothing, and a month is fast. A year is still a long time, but how long before it isn't anymore? It's already surprising. Time is a train right now...I can't believe how fast it is. How long before it becomes a plane and starts flying me to places I never thought I would go? This is life, always going forward no matter what tries to stop it. Even when it is over, it keeps going. We will never end.

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