Today, I got some answers to questions I didn't even fully realize I was asking. I have been having a few minor existential struggles lately, wondering about certain things, which is perfectly normal and healthy, but I was just reminded of what is probably actually my favorite scripture of all time today:
1 Nephi 11:17: And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.
I think these are some of the wisest words ever spoken by a mortal being in the history of mankind. There are a lot of things I don't understand. That's not going to necessarily change. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that our Heavenly Father loves each of His children. Sometimes, I might not understand why, or why He does some of the things He does, but I do know He loves us all. I think that this is an important principle to remember in our lives in general, and one that I needed a reminder of today.
Another answer to a question I didn't really know I was asking was given to me in the form of the first verse of the hymn Lead Kindly Light. This has always been one of my favorite hymns, and I was actually humming it to myself on the way to church. It didn't hit me just how much it applied to me until I sang that verse today the words of which are:
Lead kindly light, amid the encircling gloom. Lead thou me on. The night is dark, and I am far from home. Lead thou me on. Keep thou my feet, I do not ask to see the distant scene one step enough for me.
This verse applies to me in a lot of ways right now. Firstly, I am far from home in quite a literal sense, and I am so blessed to have the guidance and comfort of the Lord in my life on a daily basis. But what hit me even more was the last phrase. Since around January or February, I have been trying to decide whether I was going to student teach or intern. I still don't know. I also have to figure out what I'm doing for winter semester if I intern, and when I'll be able to go home next time. This verse reminded me that I do not have to see every step my life is going to take or every direction in which it is going to go. I will be ok, and I don't have to plan everything a year in advance, or even a couple of months in advance. The Lord will take care of things for me, and if I haven't gotten a specific answer, it's for a reason. I'm so grateful for this wise council and for the fact that the Lord does have a plan for my life, and it's so much greater than anything I could have ever come up with on my own.
One evidence of this is some of the things He has blessed me with in my life. I have been greatly blessed from the Lord with certain gifts and talents. One of those gifts, as is stated in my Patriarchal blessing, is the ability to understand things which are detrimental and can cause sorrow and pain. This gift, as I have developed it over my short life, has applied to everything from sin to sickness, both mental and physical, and to difficult situations like breakups, deaths, the illness or pain of a loved one or family member, and various other situations. I feel very humbled and blessed to have this gift, as it is a gift that only really is there to serve others. I am so grateful that the Lord has trusted me with this specific gift. I have been blessed with so many opportunities to provide comfort and solace to people I love. I feel like this gift relates very well to the priesthood. Adam once said to me that he wasn't sure why women had issues with men being able to have the priesthood. He pointed out that even though men have the priesthood, it's a gift that can only be used to serve others. If a priesthood holder wants a blessing, he has to turn to another priesthood holder, much like a sister would.